Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Mets' 25th Hour

I'm usually reasonable and level headed towards the sports teams I follow. I'm generally able to retain my rationality, reminding myself that it's just a game when my team loses. However, the 2008 Mets have brought out the worst in me, perhaps because I was at the "Shea Goodbye" finale. I need an outlet for this frustration. The result is this one-time-only absurdly negative post. So, with a nod to this scene starring Edward Norton from Spike Lee's film "25th Hour", here is my soliloquy on the '08 Mets. Apologies for the excessive expletives, if that bothers you:

"Fuck the 2008 Mets.

Fuck Scott SchoeneweisOmar Minaya passed on re-signing Chad Bradford for you? If you don’t want to get booed on opening day, why don’t you learn how to get out righthanded batters and strand some inherited runners.

Fuck Pedro Martinez… $53 million for a 32-23 record, 3.88 ERA, and an absolutely awful 2008.

Fuck worthless Marlon Anderson and his transition from 'best pinch hitter on the planet' to 'worst hitter in baseball.'

Fuck meatball tossing Duaner Sanchez… your Florida cab ride happened 2.5 years ago – move the f*ck on!

Fuck emotionless, champagne-popping, “True Yankee” Willie Randolph.

Fuck Ryan Church… you can’t control bad-luck injuries, but you can control an atrocious .220/.305/.307 August and September.

Fuck Luis Castillo… you absolutely killed the Mets down the stretch with inability to hit the ball out of the infield and your non-stop rally killing outs. And don’t get me started on Argenis Reyes, cause he makes Luis Castillo look good.

Fuck the Wilpons… these are the NEW YORK METS not the BROOKLYN DODGERS. Why is Citi Field becoming Ebbets Field North? You guys are the only ones calling for 4 more years of Omar Minaya.

Fuck $15 parking, $8.00 for a beer, and $5.75 a hot dog. You think Fred and Jeff Wilpon didn’t approve those prices? Give me a fuckin’ break.

Fuck Carlos Beltran… a great season, but when you guarantee 1st place in the NL East in spring training, you and your mates better back it up.

Fuck Luis Ayala for making Greg Norton look like Chipper Jones.

Fuck Luis Aguayo… you give every runner the green light for 3 months, then decide to hold up Carlos Delgado with the season on the line vs. the Cubs?

Fuck Citi Field… what use is a new stadium when no one wants to watch the team playing in it? Economic crisis? Let’s raise ticket prices!

Fuck tobacco chompin’, save blowing, always-got-something-to-say Billy Wagner.

Fuck Aaron “Home Run” Heilman… I was once your biggest defender, but this season was an unmitigated disaster. 5.45 BB/9 and 1.18 HR/9 ain’t gonna cut it buddy.

Fuck Brian Schneider for mailing it in from April to July.

Fuck Jose Reyes… an otherwise terrific season marred by a 2-13 final weekend. Get your shit together next September Jose.

Fuck Carlos Delgado… the MVP of the 2nd half, LVP of the 1st half. Your opening month .632 OPS didn’t help the cause.

While we’re at it, fuck Moises Alou and El Duque, they got off easy. A season on the DL, rehab at home, and comfortable retirement to look forward to.

Fuck Oliver PerezScott Boras wants $15 million a year for you? I’ve got exhibits A, B, C and D why you and your 98 ERA+ are worth less than half that.

Fuck Omar Minaya… the bullpen was the biggest culprit in 2007, so what did you do last offseason? You added non-factor Matt Wise and otherwise stood pat. Surprise, surprise, the bullpen was even WORSE in 2008. Ace in the hole Brian Stokes nearly saved your failure to improve the ‘pen.

And fuck David Wright… biggest star on the Mets, the face of the franchise. Yet somehow with none out, man on 3rd, bottom of the 9th, you can’t even lift a ball into the OF for a sac fly? Stare at that .243 BA w/RISP in the batting cage this offseason.

From the nosebleeds in the upper deck to the corporate field boxes; from the picnic area to the mezzanine; from the Home Run Apple to the skyboxes; from the 7 Train to the Loge; on the names of 4,000,000+ fans who came to watch Met baseball in 2008, let Shea Stadium burn to the ground."

I almost feel bad for putting this out on the Internet. A lot of these guys had really great seasons (Wright, Beltran, Delgado), and others had not-bad seasons (Perez, Church, Schneider). I'm glad to get that out of my system.


Anonymous said...

genius post.

Katie said...

if a player is consistently terrible in september when the team needs him most but is great throughout most of the season, do you keep him?

how many times do you let it happen before you cut him lose and tell him to fuck himself?

Should Mets fans boycott opening day at citi field next year? wtf! as a fan i feel so pissed off, yet so helpless right now. how can i make it clear to the mets that they disgust me and i'm sick and tired of it?

Farve Fan said...


James K. said...


It really is a helpless feeling. As a fan, you really can't do anything about it. Although I blame the offense for yesterday's failure, no drastic changes need to be made to the lineup next year outside of 2B and LF. The bullpen has to be priority #1 for the Mets this offseason.

I'm going to think about your good questions over the next couple days and try to come up with what I'm going to do about next year. Do I try to go to opening day at Citi and be supportive? Do I boycott the 1st half? Do I throw a brick threw the window of the Mets Clubhouse stores?

Anonymous said...

Hey, would scott kazmir helped this year? How about trading for David Weathers, and Jeremy Affeldt to give the Meats 2 better options than Ayala? You did it to yourselves and this is karma from kicking Wille to the door in such a dick way. Have fun watching the playoffs with your 150 million dollar payroll. HaaaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaaa

The Sports Hernia said...

Well fucking done.